My ideas about what my job as a therapist is have changed over the 30+ years of clinical practice.  The reason I went to graduate school was to gain the knowledge, experience and credentials that would enable me to work directly with children and their families as a therapist.  I have worked in many different settings with a wide variety of clients, and over the years, I have gained so much more clarity about what my job as a therapist is, and, more importantly, what it isn’t.

Curious?

I have some questions for you!

What is your job as a therapist?

• Is it to know in advance of a session what’s going to occur?
• Is it to have answers?
• Is it to have even one answer?
• Is it to convince your client of your opinion?
• Is it to instruct?
• Is it to give advice?
• Is it to judge them and/or their choices (no matter how bizarre those may seem!)?
• Is it to heal them of whatever brings them in to see you?
• Is it to fix their problems?
• Is it to do their work for them (in the...

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was the son of the river god Cephissus and the nymph, Liriope.  He was a hunter and was known for his beauty. His mother was told by a seer that he would live a long life, provided he never saw his reflection.  (In ancient Greece there was a superstition that it was unlucky or fatal to see oneself.)  He incurred the wrath of the gods when he rejected the love of a nymph, Echo. So, instead of living a long life, he fell in love with his own image in the waters of a spring and pined away (some stories say he killed himself). The flower that sprang up where he died has his name.  Echo, who had been hopelessly in love with Narcissus, faded away until all that was left of her was her voice.

I’m doing this because I love you.

You’re making me look bad.

It’s your fault that I said what I said.  You made me angry.

Why did you say ______ (when you didn’t)?  That wasn’t very nice.

I care so much...

就像我妈妈喜欢讲这个故事...一天早晨，我父母被从我卧室传来的呼啸声惊醒。我妈妈冲了进来，发现我在地板上。

我宣布：“安妮从床DAH上摔下来。”

愤怒！ 义愤填膺！ 特别强调的单音节词“床”的第二个音节...使如此地步，这不仅是不正确的，这是可怕的错误。

我那时两岁。

三年级时，我因不尊重老师格里芬夫人而被命令放学回家。她犯了一个错误，有一天，她宣布由于参议员萨尔顿斯托尔住在同一个城镇，在即将举行的选举中，我们所有的父母都会投票支持他。当我告诉妈妈时，她说：“胡说八道。” （参议员Saltonstall是共和党人，而且，我的父母是住在镇上的五个注册民主党人中的两个。所以，第二天，我通知全班同学格里芬夫人，她弄错了，而且我的父母不会投票给参议员。

我被送到校长办公室，然后他开车送我回家。

我四年级的大部分时间都花在缺课上，这是因为我不让闭上嘴而受到的惩罚。我的老师查特曼先生（我在他背后叫他做筷子）判我从字典中复制无数页。我的朋友们希望我休息一下，以便我们一起玩耍，他们会为我加油鼓舞，并鼓励我保持安静……一切都无济于事。我很少能够阻止他，他愿意添加更多页数供我复制。

欢迎来到我的童年！

那些早期的岁月花在学习如何克服那些不可预测性，那些混乱，那些爱心（尽其所能），那些痛苦的家庭生活中的悲伤……我很早就学会了要成为正确的技巧，寻找正确的方法，...说或做正确的事，以便控制其他人，我自己，种种情况。

我是如何做到这正确的事呢？通过尝试控制结果，不断纠正，尝试证明，尝试融入，使自己变渺小和不够好，拥有我要强调的重要观点（无论人们是否愿意听），要求其他人对我所做的选择负责...

多年来，我一直在磨练这些技能……如何在蛋壳上行走，不让任何人感到不高兴，预测可能发生的事情（并阻止潜在的灾难），纠正所有人和所有事，消失，假装……清单不胜枚举 …

它行得通吗？ 不！

累死了吗？ 是的！

必須要永远正确是以我不再愿意付出的代价为代价。

我一直在问一些提问：

• 正确意吁什么？
• 错误意味什么？
• 永远正确有什么价值？
• 永远错误有什么价值？
• 如果我不是对，我会是谁？我会是什么？
• 如果我没错，...

私の母はよくこんな話をしていました…ある朝、私の部屋から聞こえてきたうなり声で両親は目を覚ましました。母が慌てて部屋に入ると、私は床の上にいました。

「アンジーがベッダーから落ちた」と私は言いました。

憤慨！当然の憤慨！一音節しかない「ベッド」という言葉の二つ目の音節に特に力を込めて、これは正しくないだ、ひどく間違ったことなんだ、と強調しました。

私は2歳でした。

3年生のとき、学校でグリフィン先生に失礼な態度を取ったという理由で私は家に帰されました。先生は「君たちの両親は全員、次の選挙で同じ町に住むサルトンストール上院議員に投票するだろう」と発言するというミスを犯しました。私からその話を聞いた母は「ナンセンス」と言いました（サルトンストール議員は共和党員で、他方、同じ町内に5人いた民主党員のうちの2人が私の両親でした）。翌日、私はクラスのみんなの前でグリフィン先生に「先生は間違っている、私の両親は上院議員には投票しない」と言ったのです。

私は校長室に呼ばれ、そのまま校長の運転する車で帰宅しました。

4年生のときは口を閉じなかった罰として休み時間を取り上げられるのが日常でした。担任のチャットマン先生（私は陰で彼のことを「チャップスティック」と呼んでいました）には、辞書を何ページも数えきれないほど大量に書き写すように言われました。休み時間に私と遊びたがっていた友人たちは私を励まし、黙っているようにとアドバイスもくれましたが、その努力は無駄に終わりました。私は先生への口答えをやめられず、先生はさらに書き写す辞書のページを追加しました。

私の子ども時代へようこそ！

このような幼少期を通じて、私は家庭生活の予測不可能性、カオス、（彼らなりの最善として）愛すること、衝動的な悲しみへの対処法を学びました…私はまた、他人や自分、状況を制御するために、正しくあるというスキル、正しいやり方を見つけるスキル、正しい行い、正しい発言のスキルを身に着けました。

私はどのようにこのような正しさを振りかざしていたのでしょう？結果をコントロールしようとすること、常に正すこと、証明しようとすること、人に合わせようとすること、自分を小さく足りない存在にすること、重要な視点を持って（人が聞きたいかどうかは関係なしに）強調すること、...

 As my mom liked to tell the story … my parents were awakened one morning by howls coming from my bedroom.  My mom rushed in, only to find me on the floor.

“Anzie fell off the bed-DAH,” I announced. 

Indignant!  Righteously indignant!  With special emphasis on the second syllable of the monosyllabic word ‘bed’ … to make the point that not only was this NOT RIGHT, it was terribly WRONG .

I was two years old.

In the 3^rd grade, I was sent home from school for being disrespectful to my teacher, Mrs. Griffin.  She made the mistake of announcing one day that since Senator Saltonstall lived in the same town, all our parents would vote for him in the upcoming election.  When I told my mom, she said, “Nonsense.”  (Senator Saltonstall was a Republican, and, my parents were two of the five registered Democrats who lived in the town.)  So, next day I informed Mrs. Griffin, in front of the class, that...

So often conclusions are reached that particular children are a particular way.  “She’s the pretty one and her brother is the athlete.”  Or, “The oldest is the smart one, the youngest is the real beauty.”  Once they are labeled a particular way, they tend to be viewed that way by so many, and they are taught to conform to those viewpoints.  The problem is no child is just one thing, and by asking them to adhere to that one label, we are telling them that there is something lacking in their makeup.  And, by asking them to be only a tiny portion of who they actually are, we are asking them to be somebody they are not.

And, for those children who don’t “fit in,” this is exacerbated.  The conclusion is reached that they need to be taught how to behave so they can learn to function as if they were “normal” and “average” and just like everyone else. The problem is that they are not normal...

Twelve years ago, when I took my first Foundation class, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular.  Traditionally trained as a child and family and play therapist, and at that point, with a relatively successful and fulfilling clinical practice of almost 20 years, I was always on the lookout for tools and tips I could pass along to my clients, to assist them in whatever path of change or healing they were choosing.

I had taken my first Bars class the day before, and, was resonating in the energy of how far outside the box of my traditional trainings that class was … and in the incredible changes my body experienced that day, (and was continuing to experience.) 

I showed up for that first Foundation class with some trepidation, a lot of curiosity, and, a willingness to take the next step.  After all, how could it get any weirder?

It shook my world.  Layers and layers of beliefs I had held dear for so long began to peel off.  We were presented...

We live in turbulent times.

Much of life as we knew it is no longer.  What was “normal” one year ago, no longer is … no matter who you are or how you were living.  Daily life has radically changed.  If you worked in an office outside your home, you probably don’t.  Most kids are home bound or on restricted school schedules.  Local lockdowns attempt to limit your ability to spend time outside your home or to have friends and extended family in your home.  Borders between many countries are shut; quarantining for 14 days is mandatory for entry to other countries. Travel has radically changed.

These days, division, exclusion, extremism, separation and righteousness seem to predominate in all forms of media.  And underlying them are fierce beliefs and the accompanying emotional charges of having the right belief and needing to be right.   Outrage and panic seem to rule at times, with self-proclaimed, and in some...

On an airplane a few months ago, I sat behind a Dad and his two young children … a boy aged 6-ish and a girl aged 4-ish. He was sitting on the aisle, grim faced. As people continued to board the plane, the boy, who was seated in between his father and his sister, spoke with his Mom. “Yes, Mom, we’re on the airplane … it hasn’t taken off yet … No Mom, the door is still open! … Ok Mom, I’ll have fun! … Mom, do you want to talk to Daddy? … (The dad stared straight ahead) … Ok Mom, bye Mom I love you too Mom.” As he handed the cell phone back to his dad, he sneaked a peak at him. Dad continued to stare ahead.

He then turned to his sister, who had been silent during the phone call. She began a blow-by-blow narrative of everything she was observing out the window. “Look at that red truck … there are the suitcases … why is that man standing there? Who are all those people? When is the plane...

"Miláčku ... Musíš se naučit nesedat jim na lep ... dělají to jen proto, aby tě dostali!"

To jsou slova, která mi moje maminka říkávala, když jsem za ní plačky běžela a hledala útěchu, když mě moji bratři a otec pravidelně škádlili, když jsem byla malá holčička.

Zoufale jsem chtěla být součástí jejich vtipů, být součástí jejich kamarádství, nebýt ta, ze které si dělají legraci a které se smějí ... a ... z mého pohledu se to nestalo ... a oni byli nemilosrdní.

Bavili se tím, co jsem řekla a jak jsem to řekla.

Smáli se tomu, jak jsem vypadala.

Slíbili, že přestanou ... a pak pokračovali ještě více.

Okamžiky začlenění do jejich světů často končily mými slzami, protože říkali nebo dělali něco, o čem věděli, že mě tím naštvou.

A jak...